Micro-please: Make it stop

If the tables were turned and our president was female, can you imagine women in the political space arguing for days (on social media, no less) about a micropenis? During the throes of whatever we’re calling this 1991 Middle East redux?

First of all, most of us are at the stage of menopause, menopause, or just saturation point with men that we don't care about a micropenis, macropenis or frankly any penis because it's not coming anywhere near us. Universally, we are over it.

Second of all, what’s our gentalia-based alternative? What are we going to do, argue about the floppiness of our lady-nemesis’ labia?

“Well we all know Karen has the military acumen of a turnip. I mean her grannie panties can barely holster that meat curtain she calls a labia…”

Right off the bat, it wouldn't even be funny to half the audience because men would be out there frantically googling "what is a labia?” and “where is a labia on a woman with photos.”

And more to the point, if we DID end up in a war, we’d be spending our time trying to end it (successfully, efficiently) instead of text-slapping each other with our ladybits.

But yeah. It's fine. Remind me again how my ovaries make me too emotion to lead the country?